


Love, Jeongin

by orphan_account



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Art student Jeongin, Chan gives campus tours, Jeongin’s mom is awful, Letters, Not Beta Read, but it’s all better in the end thanks to changbin, changbin has a midnight talk show, i think it’s cute?, mentioned Homophobia, protect Jeongin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-13
Updated: 2019-06-13
Packaged: 2020-05-07 10:11:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,859
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19207246
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Jeongin has always struggled with words, so he writes a letter to his two muses, thanking them for saving his grade and life.





	1. Dear Chan

Dear Chan,

I’m not sure why I decided writing a letter was the best way to tell you what I was feeling, but I needed to let you know exactly what you’ve done to help me. I remember the first time I saw you — almost vividly. Our teacher had just given us a project for art: create a story out of nothing. (You’re right, it makes no sense.)

And I remember thinking to myself, “How am I supposed to make a story when my only instruction was that it had to be ‘out of nothing’?” Most people would jump at the opportunity (especially writers like Jisungie-hyung and Hyunjinnie-hyung), but, for a measly first year art student, it stressed me out to no end. After all, the most I had every really drawn before had been landscape shots or lame comic strips with no real depth or characters to them… at all. I had no experience with art with stories. Much less how I was supposed to convey  _ emotions  _ in a way that made sense when I couldn’t even convey my own properly? ~~And even then~~

I’m getting off topic — I’m sorry. 

Anyways, I remember when I first saw you. You were giving a tour to some incoming freshmen and I could hear your voice so, so clearly across the courtyard. “Alright everyone,” you yelled, “this way to the cafeteria!” And I remember seeing these children scurry behind you like terrified ducklings and you were their only chance at survival. The way you just naturally carried yourself drew respect, even I could see that in the brief seconds I first saw you. 

Honestly? It reminded me of my tour guide that I had gotten when I went there. I remembered being terrified out of my mind. My mom had just dropped me off because she had a meeting in the town over, and dad was working, too. I was alone, and I didn’t have someone to hold my hand. But then my tour guide greeted everyone and, I don’t know if he could tell I was alone or not, he kept me close to him for the whole tour. Befriending you, I didn’t realize I would meet him again, but Woojin-hyung was one of the reasons I chose this school. When I got here, I felt isolated. But reaching out to you helped me in more ways that I think I’ll ever understand.

You probably remember the first time I actually spoke to you. (I’m still really embarrassed by this I can’t believe I got the courage) I went up to you one day while you were just lounging under a tree and asked if you wouldn’t mind me drawing you. It was terrifying. You gave me this look that made me wonder why I had even thought of approaching you. Even though I had been watching you give tours for about two weeks by that point (oh my god I sound so creepy, I swear I’m not. You know me enough now right?), I was still worried you would just flat out reject me. 

But then, you smiled at me. You gave me a pat on the shoulder and said, “Sure kid. But I gotta see the final product.” My heart soared, and I’m sure I grinned enough to show it. Maybe, finally, I could tell the story I needed to get across. Maybe this strong individual who I approached on a whim would give me the courage to branch out and tell my own story. Maybe I’d fail, and end up telling your story instead. 

Still, the first time I drew you, I struggled the most with your eyes. Eyes had always been pretty easy for me, but for some reason, yours just wouldn’t work for me. I think I’ve finally figured out why, though. Your eyes held this depth to them that I could never comprehend. You had all this charm and charisma but your eyes told the story of a gentle and loving man who would open his heart to anyone. Maybe that’s why you let me draw you. Your eyes held the secret to your world and all I wanted to do was dive into them and find out the real Chan. The one who would giggle and throw popcorn at the screen during A Cinderella Story because the rain kiss is cheesy but you still want that type of romance in your life. I want the Chan who accidentally burns coffee (of ALL THINGS) first thing in the morning because he accidentally falls back asleep while it’s brewing. The Chan who isn’t the perfect tour guide image that everyone sees. I want the Chan who isn’t afraid to cry because he misses his home, I want the Chan who will laugh openly and freely because he has “the best joke to tell me”. 

But that Chan I had to learn to love. The face you put out for the world was a beautiful and perfect one, but I preferred the one you shared with your closest friends over anything else. 

You know the thing I like about letters? If something doesn’t sound right, or flow well together, you can mark it out. However, I don’t want to do that to you. You allow your whole self to be shown, the least I could do is share all of my nonsense rambles with you. 

But I guess I should close this soon. You didn’t come looking for a long winded essay about yourself, you honestly probably weren’t even expecting this. What I wanted this letter to say was:

Dear Chan,

Thank you for being such a strong leader and such an amazing role model. Thank you for helping me to break a little bit more out of my shell and grow more confident with myself. Now, I can safely say I can draw your eyes. And if I had a simple sketch of just one of your eyes, I think I’d pass the whole class. “Make a story out of nothing.” You’re certainly not nothing, but you’ve helped make me into a something. So thank you. 

Love,

Jeongin


	2. Dear Changbin

Dear Changbin,

You saved my life.

You don’t know me that well (I mean — we only met a few months ago), but I can’t help but feel I’ve known you my whole life. 

“Jeongin, why are you saying that?” you may ask. It’s your podcast,  _ The Insomniac _ , that really helped me get out of this tunnel I had found myself in. I, honestly,  didn’t even really mean to find it. I was just lying in bed one night, hating myself (as was usual at the time) and I saw a comment on Instagram that talked about how your podcast shared such different views on homosexuality in Korea. (How I got there, I’m not sure, but I’m glad I got there.) Of course, that almost immediately drew me in because, well, it was a topic that hit very close to home. It kind of sucks that I’m dumping all of this to you in a letter, but hearing you say that gays, bisexuals, pansexuals, transgenders, they were all valid? I’m going to be completely honest, I burst into tears right then and there.  _ Finally _ , I thought,  _ someone who won’t just beat me down for being different. _ I’m... To be honest, I don’t really know what I am. Sometimes boys are pretty. 

Sometimes girls are. 

Sometimes, no one is. 

But I want to thank you for being one of the first people to help turn me around and tell me that I am good enough. That it wasn’t just a phase I was going through. To stop lashing out, if I wanted attention that badly I should actually try to make friends instead of chasing them away. You were one of the first people to tell me that I’m not a worthless son like my mother said I was before she sent me away. Honestly I’m surprised I wasn’t disowned. 

...

Oh look, I’ve gotten off topic. (If this isn’t deja vu.)

Okay. You are one of my muses. That sounds creepy, but you inspire me so much to draw. I remember meeting you, seeing you walk out of the library late one night and asking me, “Hey kid, isn’t it past your bedtime?” I immediately recognized your voice. (Is that creepy? I hope not...) You kept asking me questions, though, like “Are you lost?”, “Do you need to call someone?”, and my favorite was easily, “Can you understand Korean?” To be completely honest, in that moment, I had no idea what might have been going through my head. I only saw the face to the voice I would listen to every night when I felt lonely. I saw my first friend for the first time, and you didn’t know who I was. (Oh my god I sound so creepy, please ignore how stalkery I sound here I’m just a lonely art student.)

Okay, seriously though, do you know what was one of the hardest things for me to get right drawing you? Your facial structure. Especially the expressions you would make. You may call yourself stoic, but you had a face you made when you were thinking about your music theory. You had a face for judging Jisung for eating seven bags of skittles in one setting. You even had a face for pretending you didn’t have a face when someone confronted you about being something other than the “broody edgy guy who just cares about your safety”. Every single one of your faces was different and it was so hard to get each face right. 

Of course, your looks aren’t what made me your friend, even if it is what forced you to spend time around me (and not Jisung dragging us to random things together). I fell for your brain first and foremost. (Not like… romantically though. This is a completely platonic fall.) 

It was the way you would hear both sides of an argument and present both sides whenever you would do a show for your podcast. I love how you could go from talking about cannibalism to gummy bears in the same sentence. The way your brain works honestly surprises me every time I see those miraculous leaps in topic happen. I love seeing how your face changes as you latch onto the new topic, but I especially love how you include everyone and wholeheartedly listen to everything they have to say. 

It isn’t so hard to be me when I’m around you. I don’t have to worry so much about who may or may not accept me. I don’t have to worry about what my mom will say if I suddenly walk up holding hands with a boy I met at the coffee shop down the road. And I definitely don’t need to worry about ever being excluded. Your beautiful mind saved my life, and I can only hope that someday, I could try to even return half of that favor. 

Thank you, Changbin, for being my first friend, even if you don’t know you were. Let’s go for ice cream soon? 

Love,

Jeongin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally I wanted to do letters for each member, and maybe I will in the future, but for now I’m happy with the story these two letters tell. I’m happy to say that Jeongin was able to grow much more comfortably in his skin with all of his older friends by his side. 
> 
> Thank you again, for reading, and please tell me what you thought in the comments!

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Comments and kudos are always appreciated :,)


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